This is a little late as we had the talk a few days after my previous post.
After realizing that one of my closest friends and I could not continue on without addressing some ongoing issues between us, we decided to sit down and have The Talk.
I was nervous before heading over as I was waiting until her two boys were in bed so that we would have some time to ourselves. I headed over shortly after 7pm with a bottle of wine – one for me and one for her. I had already quit drinking back at the start of February to help my body get as healthy as possible but I felt as though this was a worthy occasion. When I got there, we were briefly chatting in her kitchen when all of a sudden, her youngest (approx 16 months old) began crying and was not going to sleep for her husband. This lead to our conversation being put on hold for nearly half an hour; however, it gave me time to get a glass of wine down to calm myself a little more.
Once the kids were sleeping, we sat down and just started talking like we always do, as though there was no tension between us at all. After an hour and a half, we both realized that we needed to get to the reason for this planned chat. We jumped into things head first and we were both able to express our frustrations. I was able to bring up everything I had been feeling; obviously in a caring and positive manner to not make her feel blamed for anything. She brought up how she had been feeling neglected as a friend – which I fully took responsibility for my actions and distance. We cried, we drank, we laughed and then cried some more.
It was a very cathartic and therapeutic experience and our relationship is even stronger because of it. For a while, I had held back from telling her much about this process of IVF/egg donation because I felt as though she did not understand our situation at all but I realize that I was only making myself feel more isolated. We have since talked about how she can best support me, and how I can best support her in the struggles of parenthood; without making each other feel worse.
I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome, or a better friend. Thanks to those who supported me to have the talk and to repair our friendship – it was definitely a game changer.