There’s nothing like a night out with my girlfriends to remind me that I’m not a mom. I think I can manage to keep the conversation focused on work for nearly 5 minutes before it turns to kids and everything of the topic. It can be difficult. I love spending time with them but everytime it hurts more. I sit quiet in the proverbial corner as they discuss everything kids and I just have nothing to contribute to the conversation. I’m jealous. I’m sad. I’m annoyed. Yet who am I to feel as though the biggest part of their lives shouldn’t be discussed just because I’m around. Just because I have trouble dealing with all of the feelings it brings to the surface.
A part of me wants to pull away, stay at home in the comfort of my home where I can regulate those feelings and limit my exposure to mom talk. But I love my friends. Our girls nights are so rare to begin with that I wouldn’t want to miss them… Until I remember what they entail. No wonder infertility makes you feel so alone and secluded.
I write this post in the movie theatre, waiting for the movie to start and for my friends to get back with their snacks. I’m here to watch Sisters…a movie for a mature audience…. And someone sitting directly in front of me just sat down with a baby.
I wish I were kidding.